Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
