my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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