People in love make me want to vomit
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
