Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
