there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
