I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
People in love make me want to vomit
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
