Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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