dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
