I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
