I wannas sexs uuuuu
Come see our sink grown plant.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
