Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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