the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
even my farts smell like vagina
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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