u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
