O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's official drugs can't kill me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
