I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
