It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
