Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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