Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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