oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
