well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
