Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
