woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
