cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
