i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
