Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
