I just cut my nipple shaving
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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