So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
