so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
