sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
