I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
