My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
