Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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