I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
