Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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