I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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