then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
