K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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