can u get pink eye on your cock?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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