I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
