You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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