I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
