mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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