Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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