chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
