I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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