grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
