I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
