just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
