her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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