My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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